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Being vulnerable is a bit scary as we all know. But I’ve also found it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Through sharing my life after separation I’ve received the gift of connection with others. Being that two of my core values are connection and communication I’m as happy as a pig in mud. So here I go again…

I think I’m ready to face the elephant in the room. This thing that’s been on my mind – on and off – for some time. Thoughts about it swirl, the longings pull and a little fear pops up. It’s a bit of a soup, to be honest. The whole question of DATING (yes, it deserves capitals).

I remember in my early 20’s I really loved the idea of ‘dating’. It was more of an American thing then, something you saw on TV. It sounded cool, adult and free. When I lived – briefly – in America I even told my new friends that I wanted to ‘date’. Well, it never happened and I missed the chance to live out my version of a hilarious, but ultimately happy-ending, sitcom. Such is life.

Now it’s a possibility. But when is the right time? Is there a right or wrong time to start seeing other people after you’re marriage ends? I was reliably informed by one gal, who like me had recently separated from her partner, that 12 months was the appropriate time to wait. She had all but pencilled in her diary the date she would allow herself to get out there. This reminded me of the 12 months of mourning following a death.

Which isn’t that far from the truth.

When I asked other folks, the answers varied. Some thought it important to wait till my husband and I were living in two separate houses, others were ready to join me up to a dating site on the spot.

I’ve had paternal-style advice that took on a darker flavour. Warnings that I may be perceived as a threat to other (married) women and so to be careful in my dealings with (married) men. Woah. These well-meaning, but very direct, words rattled my cage somewhat.

But I found a place for the nugget of wisdom (for it did come from someone older than me), saw where it might be applicable (hello Dads on school camp) and went on with Life.

Life has meant working with all my feelings – and the realities – around the separation. And that has taken much of my focus this year. Sure, the distraction of a bit of romance would be super nice.

But I recognise that it would be just that – a distraction. Nothing wrong with that, but there is plenty to occupy my heart and mind. For now.

But that’s going to shift. As the months and separation milestones roll by my heart will be open to meeting more people (ok, people of the male persuasion) and exploring.

It’s coming. I can feel it.

Robyn Sign Off - Pink

Life Coach
Facilitator of Men’s Groups and Women’s Coaching Circles

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