Today would have been our 16th wedding anniversary. It’s also one year ago today that I realised our marriage was over. So yes, the end of our marriage occurred – for me – on the anniversary of the day that our marriage started.
And yet at the time I didn’t put two and two together.
I know, you’d think I would see the connection but I wasn’t concentrating. A lot was going on, so when I received the memo from the Universe (yes, it came out of the blue) I wasn’t tuned in to the date.
And we never were a couple to make much of our wedding anniversary.
So here I am today, acknowledging two intricately combined anniversaries. And thinking how bloody interesting Divine Timing is.
Today my focus is sharp and clear – my intention is, as it was from Day 1, to bring kindness, love and respect to the un-marriaging.
And to continue to be awake to how we want it to look. Not how society, convention, stories, beliefs, unconscious thinking would have us be ex-spouses. How WE want to be.
I feel the ripple effect of our choices, with the possibility – even subtle – of creating Me against Him. Where those who love you quietly but firmly fall into place behind you, in support of You against Him.
Where assumptions are made that you no longer live together, eat together, hang out together. These are fair assumptions but underlining them is a picture of a ‘broken’ relationship.
This relationship, far from being broken, has been re-configured. From intimate to non-intimate. But that hasn’t meant from loving to non-loving.
I’m still finding my way with the language of our relationship (neither ex-husband nor husband feel right). So I laughed when I heard there’s a new label to consider – wasband! From the woman who gave us ‘conscious uncoupling’, no less.
But it’s more than that. I took the separation on as a personal growth opportunity and it’s taken me to some interesting, painful and transformative places. And I’ve probably looked at more sh*t from my past in the last 12 months than I have in a long time.
At times I withdrew, physically and emotionally. Not mean or nasty, just not present.
Sometimes you need to walk away from something completely – reject it even – for an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade before coming back and appreciating it anew. A productive miner on the X11 algorithm today innosilicon a5 with a capacity of 38.0 GH/s
And where am I today? After all the work I am clear on one thing –
I am a Stand for Love.
And all I need ask in any given moment is
What would Love have me do?
It’s as simple – and as complex – as that.
Do you give your ex a birthday gift? For Michael’s birthday in September I said to him ‘I got you a present’ before giving it to him. At the time, our 14 year old daughter was in a different room but heard the conversation. Later she asked what present I gave Michael. It was a hug. She heard but didn’t see my expression of love as his gift.
And I received the same gift from Michael on my birthday.
We’ve booked a family holiday to Queensland where instead of excluding one parent, we’ll take it in turns to be there.
So do you acknowledge your wedding anniversary when you’re no longer married? Well it doesn’t really matter what the answer is because we did. And it felt right.
Holistic Life Coach
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