May was quite an extraordinary month. Something shifted and suddenly it was time to practice what I’d been learning about myself and masculine/feminine essence.
It was time to put the gloves on and get into the arena. Thinking and talking time was over. It was action time.
I dubbed May the Month of Men because they showed up and gave me the opportunity to know myself in a whole new way.
A bit of backstory – my online dating attempts have been fairly sporadic over the last couple of years. There was still a lot for me to learn about being comfortable in my own skin and knowing who I was in relation to men. It was a bit, shall we say, clunky at times.
So I’d lose interest and toss it all in.
Until a recent bittersweet brief ‘liaison’ with a non-online person led me back to my online dating profile to smarten it up. I was ready to get back on the horse and give it another crack.
Someone somewhere heard my intention and from that moment, interesting guys started contacting me.
I went on dates to meet these interesting guys. And they all had several things in common – they were emotionally literate (big tick), open-hearted, attractive to me on some level and they were all keen as mustard.
Like, no holds barred ready to launch into a relationship and waste no time keen.
It made my head spin. All of a sudden I had options. But as I met and started getting to know these men, questions would arise. Is this really what I want? Does he have the qualities I’m looking for?
And I realised it’s been a long time since I’ve not only asked those questions but also needed to trust my feelings. Because lord knows how easy it is to be swept up in someone else’s attention and flattery.
I’ve had to practice being honest with not only myself but another human being in conversations that at times have felt uncomfortable and vulnerable.
I’ve been able to practice just being myself, free of story and expectation, and surrender to divine timing. I’ve learnt the gift of my own vulnerability.
I’ve practised the magic of allowing the feminine within me to rise up freely and express herself joyfully and playfully with the masculine.
I’ve practised how to not chase the masculine and allow him to come to me. I’ve been taught that sometimes my interpretation of not chasing can be misconstrued as disinterest.
I’ve had the opportunity to practice being comfortable being kissed. And found out it can be just that and nothing more.
I’ve practised saying Thankyou but No Thankyou.
I’ve practised reaching out to my brother and close friends for wise words of advice, support and guidance.
And I gathered some of the most important lessons and shared them here.
At the end of it all, I met D. It is very early days (still ‘fragile’ in his words) but there is an undeniable connection and mutual attraction. There is shared curiosity and commitment to exploring what this is and where it takes us.
I sent him a text this morning saying
There is definitely something special here…and it feels really good. My sense is all I have to do is be present and show up with my heart open. The rest will take care of itself.
The Month of Men and the 2.5 years before that of diving into the study of the masculine has brought me to this point and it feels really good.
Where it takes me is still a mystery, but for now I send my gratitude and love to all the men who have helped me understand, honour and respect the masculine. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without you.
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